Yahweh’s promises are YES, AMEN and TRUE! I read
Deuteronomy, Psalms, Acts and every promise in the 66 and was assured; assured
of love, security, heaven-bound immortality and Emmanuel’s aura. I want to
trample on scorpions, prophesy in tongues and partake every fruit from the
HolySpirit’s orchard. I am ready to squeeze through the narrow road and
progress through my pilgrimage. But then the silence…
I gave my best, albeit it will never pan out to full-force
holy. I venture and pray over what I perceive to be my calling. Then I launch,
convinced that the voice propelling my wings is the wisdom you built the
foundations of the earth with. The fall is harder than pride’s leap in defiance
of gravity and old-age caution. I should testify of how pain has its own
monopoly on parts of your body that you wished you never owned, had you been
consulted. Pain grips your heart in a manner likened to Paul’s “thorn in the
flesh”-the one that makes a pierced lion submit to a monkey’s fingers. Trust
me, I had enough monkeys chattering and howling for my humility to know what
monkey business is.
Still, I got up. I’m not one for tears but if I shed them at
this phase, I must have used them to wipe off the dust. At it again, I lunged
further and soared higher. This time, laugh with me, I got not only the thud of
my fall but also the haha and the ooh! Have you ever re-read the Bible,
armed with your evangelical telepastor’s interpretation of God’s word, backed
by fervent testimonies of how it will work out? Well I have, I am proud to
confess that the particular phase of confusion that I endured is over and done
with. In anger, I wanted to surrender to the brews or binge in compensatory
purchases. I deserted dreams that I had ventured and brooded in lamentations.
There were zombies all around me settling for less but I would not have it.
Usually people in my shoes would mock my faith for trying
the umpteenth time. But you don’t find a lot of size 11s around, so mock all
you want. I lost fans to gain friends. I lost friends to gain acquaintances. It
was an eventual tagline to my life,” Life’s too short to waste on dreams.”
Here I am asking God if He meant wait or no. I can see
Canaan at a distance, through Moses’s vision and not Joshua’s eyes. Or shall I
liken it to the temple in David’s dream as the voice that tells me NO! Did you
mean wait, oh God Most High? I really want to do this…still NO!
Now that I hear you so clearly, above my disappointment and
enthroned on your will, I contemplate whether I did not have your blessing
going out. I prayed and fasted, knowing
this was it-my Goliath was about to fall. But You O Lord, saw otherwise from
your seat of infinite wisdom. Humble pie tasted by the tongue that laments so
bitterly is bland indeed. Now what?
I wait on you, Oh Lord. If I need the patience, I seek your
grace. You are an open dam overflowing with insight, a brook that truly never
runs out. You are not mean but are tactful, abundant in blessings that the
human eye cannot discern. I take the no, gladly knowing that nothing on earth
can compare to my mansion in heaven. I am counting my blessings, turning down
the chidings and hurt and tuning in to the station of your will.
